I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
