K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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