we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
