I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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