You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
