Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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