Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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