i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That accounts for only three of the penises
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
