If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
