what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
