You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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