watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
