I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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