Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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