It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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