yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
