I need help removing her.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
