Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
