Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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