before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
