At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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