Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
