I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
