Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
