I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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