the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
