My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
