Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
