Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
