Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just gargled with NyQuil
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
