I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
