dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
