I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i've created a new STD.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
