What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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