just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
