nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
