Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
