im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
