You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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