Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
