So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
