wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
