I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
