the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
