Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
