True but thats because hes a fetus.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
