If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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