no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
