apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
