Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
