Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sorry about my life...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
