OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
