Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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