listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
