the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
