dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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