my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
