Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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