He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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