is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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