to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
