theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
