i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
