i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
