my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize