So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
