God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
