Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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