I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
